Idaho Secrest and the Kingdom of the Bacony Salt

Regular reader(s?) of this blog will fondly recall a brief and inexplicable obsession with bacon sparked by John's discovery of the existence of Bacon Salt, a no calorie vegetarian product with the promise of making damn near anything taste of freshly grilled hickory smoked fatty pig scraps goodness. Well, after a search that led me through 2 states, at least four cities, and some of the snowiest roads Idaho has ever seen, I finally bought some at a vegetarian food store buried deep within what can almost only be described as a compound owned and operated by the Seventh Day Adventists. The ingredients read like the appendix of a chemistry textbook, and I was of the firm belief that MSG had fallen out of favor along with asbestos and saccharine, but it certainly smells awesome (more on the taste after some clinical trials) and after the amount of research and questing I went through, it damn near felt like finally getting my hands on the Holy Grail or the Ark of the Covenant (or, I suppose, whatever those stupid freaking rocks were in Temple o' Doom). Yay for Bacon Salt!

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Summer Movies '08: Paul's Take

Bet you thought I was dead or something. Nope! Just hella busy (not to mention a dearth of a damn thing in theatres worth watching). Regardless, here's my initial impressions of the stuff I will be giving a crap about this summer movie season (note the pointed lack of Sex and the City). Read the rundown after the jump (for those who don't know, that means click "More>").

Note: Titles with parenthesis are maybe/pass.

April:
(88 Minutes) -- Al Pacino mystery/thriller. Don Corleone can be kinda hit or miss these days.

(The Forbidden Kingdom) -- Jackie Chan and Jet Li team up in a fantasy adventure. Love Jackie, kinda dislike Jet, it's a maybe.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall -- The Judd Apatow camp can practically do no wrong, and I'm encouraged to see Jason Segel, my fave actor on How I Met Your Mother, to break out as a star.

Baby Mama -- Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, 'nuff said.

Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay -- April is a good time to be a comedy fan. Can't wait to see what that crazy Neil Patrick Harris is up to this time!

May:
Iron Man -- This will be a banner year for Robert Downey Jr. More on that later.

(Speed Racer) -- The makers of The Matrix take on a retro anime nascar vibe. And there's a monkey. Might be too weird not to see.

Prince Caspian -- Reepicheep! Reepicheep!

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull -- Dr. Jones! Dr. Jones!

June:
The Happening -- M. Night Shyamalan tries to put his lightning back in its bottle.

The Incredible Hulk -- CGI Smash!

Get Smart -- All hail Steve Carell, king of retro sitcom remake casting genius. Not that I ever got the nerve to see it, but I believe sources that said his Paul Lynde impersonation was the best thing about Bewitched.

The Love Guru -- I want to believe that Mike Meyers has more than Shrek sequels left in him and trailers make me believe that this could have the same wtf non sequiter dialogue gold that made Austin Powers so great.

Wall-E -- Disney/Pixar. 'Nuff said.

Wanted -- Angelina Jolie + cars + guns + Morgan Freeman = magic

July:
Hancock -- Will Smith as a superhero who also happens to be a homeless drunk. Great cast, great concept, fingers crossed.

Hellboy 2 -- Slick fantasy action and the most lovably badass demon since... yeah, kinda in a class by himself there.

(Meet Dave) -- Eddie Murphy playing multiple roles (tiny alien spaceship captain and his humanoid mech suit) and it might not be garbage? Truly we are living in strange days. Then again it might blow, hence the ().

The Dark Knight -- Sucks Heath Ledger died, but at least he'll live forever as a (pun just a little bit intended) bat-shit crazy interpretation of The Joker.

(Mamma Mia!) -- Joyous celebration of slick retro hits, or just really really really gay. Jury's out.

(Step Brothers) -- Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly reunite after the wonder of Talladega Nights, but is Will wearing out his welcome?

(X-Files 2) -- Never a huge fan of the show, but it was such a pop cultural force in its time, it might be worth a look.

August:
The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor -- I'm all in favor of Brendan Fraser, Asian wizards, and CGI yeti fights, so I'm down.

Pineapple Express -- Stoner comedy/crime caper again with the blessing of St. Apatow, this time with Seth Rogen & James Franco.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars -- All CGI lost chapters from the era betwixt episodes 2 and 3. Daddy needs his Yoda fix.

Tropic Thunder: The trailer left a little to be desired, but who could resist its Three Amigos meets Apocalypse Now plot and Robert Downey Jr. (see! toldja!) going cross racial.

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Lighthouse in Kauai, Hawai'i

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Los Angeles Skyline. More >

Corrupted Comics: If the Shoe Fits, You May Be A Fattie

You may be familiar with Andy Warhol's use of repetition in his art (see below). I can't remember why he did it, but it was probably to comment on perspective and phenomenological issues of perception.

While reading Shoe today, the punchline seemed dull, so I quickly substituted a quick insult: You're fat. Much funnier. So here is an exercise in repetition of the same basic punchline (with a few others thrown in). Make of it what you will. More comics after the jump.









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Corrupted Comics: Garfield, Cathy, Jump Start

The rest after the jump




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Corrupted Comics: "You Are Such A Retard"

In the spirit of mischievous fun and easy parody, here are some retooled Baldo strips. I never really enjoyed Baldo. But these set ups are so juicy that they begged to be redone with punchlines that are actually funny.

More parodies after the jump.





And here's a Garfield Sans Garfield that I cooked up myself:

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Meg Ryan & Billy Crystal. Remember them, kids?

When Rob Reiner asked his mom to make a cameo in When Harry Met Sally, he probably didn’t imagine that he’d be immortalizing her in every other cinematic comedy montage for the duration of time. Her adorable response to Meg Ryan’s very public fake orgasm in a deli is so simple yet so hilarious: “I’ll have what she’s having.” There are probably millions of people who would recognize that scene and that line with little to no awareness that there was apparently an entire movie surrounding that moment.

Indeed there was, and a rather good one at that. When Harry Met Sally is the delightful tale of two people (Harry & Sally, natch) who have a chance meeting in the late 70’s, again 5 years later, and then 5 years after that. Not until the third meeting are they ever more than a random byte in the other’s memory, but the friendship they eventually develop becomes a heartfelt and clever character study in life, love, men, women, sex, marriage, karaoke, pecan pie, and the hazzards of Pictionary.

Almost all credit for the film’s enduring success should fall squarely upon the shoulders of stars Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal (the latter of which really needs to get off his ass and host the Oscars again). The way they portray Harry & Sally’s journey from antagonists to acquaintances to friends to lovers is truly something to behold. The only downside to this movie is its stubbornly amoral position on sex and male attitudes. No, I do not want to sleep with every woman I meet, yes I do have plenty of female friends who I regard in completely non-sexual terms, and no, sex is absolutely not a foregone conclusion in a dating relationship.

When Harry Met Sally is something of an enigma. Very much a product of its time, the film is steeped in 80’s era post-feminist Me Decade sexual mores. However, it also manages to become something timeless, a study of friendship and true love as they evolve over the years. It has an overly indulgent sense of itself, yet maintains a whimsical and relatable charm. These positive aspects of the film’s nature are so strong that they have firmly entrenched When Harry Met Sally as a contemporary rom-com classic worthy of being mentioned in the same breath as the likes of Annie Hall and The Philadelphia Story.

Grade: B+

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That Crazy Marmaduke: Kinky

This is a parody. Do not sue me. More >

Comics Can Be Funny: "He he he, that crazy Marmaduke!"

As we all know, the majority of comics on the funny pages are filled up with the same tired jokes rerun everyday: Garfield is fat, lazy cat with a loser owner; Marmaduke is a dog who thinks he's a person; Hagar the Horrible works hard pillages villages--he slits throats, ravages anything that moves, and drinks the blood his victims--only to be ragged on by Helga for not returning with any quality booty. Yes, there are some consistently funny strips (Pearls Before Swine, and the insane Ballard Street), while the more repetitive strips do produce the occasional gem, like the above B.C.--Johnny Hart, please, keep pushing the envelope.

However, there are multitude of lame comics. We ought to make them funny. This time we will focus on everyone's favorite lush, Andy Capp, and that crazy Marmaduke. (Parodies after the jump)

As we saw last week, Garfield is greatly improved by removing Garfield, allowing us to witness the bizarre loneliness of Jon Arbuckle, a man who seeks comfort from sock puppets. This week we have a two-fer.

First, Marmaduke:

Actually, Marmaduke's owner is hilariously mistaken. Marmaduke has not stolen his massive collection of bones from other dogs. He has been digging up graves for two weeks. The dogs crowed around Marmaduke are keen to learn his secrets for effectively desecrating graves.

And now for Andy Capp:

This strip shows us the sad state of sanitary affairs in the Capp house. The truth is Andy has never known where Flo keeps his clothes due to memory loss brought on by chronic alcoholism and constant brawling. Consequently, he has never actually changed his own socks, shirt, or underwear; Flo is forced to change him. Unfortunately, the only chance she has is after he passes out from binge drinking. Oh Andy Capp, who knew you were so relevant, showing us the serious consequences of Britain's binge drinking problem.

Extra: Here are is a recaptioned version of the Marmaduke strip. Do you prefer this to making snide comments after showing the original strip?


And for kicks, check out Marmaduke Explained. Joe Mathlete explains the premise and punchline of each Marmaduke in 500 words or less. It's somewhat hit and miss. (Warning, he uses some bad language). More >

Kill Bill Special

(More videos after the jump).





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Watch Television Online: Hulu Goes Public

Have you heard the latest online video news? Yes, YouTube can now be seen on your TiVo. But that was not the only recent announcement regarding online video content. Hulu, the online video site developed by News Corp. and GE (i.e. the owners of Fox and NBC Universal) exited beta yesterday and is now availible to the general public. Featuring content from Fox and NBC current shows and archives, along with several films from Universal, the site is a one stop destination to watch television online without having to hunt it down quasi-legal (read illegal) episodes on streaming video sites. Well, a one stop shop for certain episodes of certain shows from certain networks, along with several online content providers (Cnet, The Onion).

Now, these shows aren't free. Commercial breaks are observed at the usual points, but they only show one ad per break and the ads run no longer than thirty seconds. When I started watching The Big Lebowski, the site offered me the option of watching the trailer for Hellboy II rather than having commercials interspersed throughout the film. I choose Hellboy II. Two to three minutes of uninspiring popcorn flick is far preferable to multiple interruptions to hear about how goddam cheesy Taco Bell's new Cheesy McCheese Burrito is.

A slight side note: although making Devil's Backbone and Pan's Labyrinth may have earned Del Torro the title "visionary filmmaker" doesn't mean his better visionary qualities are present in a comic book sequel. It is similar to advertising the Hulk by mentioning that Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon was amazing.

But as far as Hulu goes, it's a very promising start. They have some very good content (all three seasons of Arrested Development, The Big Lebowski, The Usual Suspects) and some mediocre content (Me, Myself, and Irene; My Dad is Better Than Your Dad). Many shows have too few episodes, but given time (and sucess) we can hopefully look forward to more shows and more episodes.

Summary: If you don't own a television, forgot to TiVo a particular show, or are unwilling to shell out $30 for a season of a show, these legitimate sites are a welcome option. The media corporations are realizing the only way to win (or even break even) in the internet game is to make their content avaliable online for free (or nearly free). May Hulu thrive.

Additionally, they have a very nice feature for bloggers. You can embed entire episodes or select any portion of the episode you want. (Content Warning: Language; You are about to enter a world of pain.)

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When Harry & Sally Met Tootsie: A Two Part Study of Sex & Gender Roles in 1980’s American Cinema, Part 1

Wow, this post suddenly looks way more academic than it will ever hope to be. What a difference a title makes, eh? As well as that title would serve to preface a masters thesis at Mt. Holyoke, I assure you there will be no burning of bras or discoveries of inner sisterhood on this blog. Just reviews of the classic comedies I was lucky enough to catch on a DVD double feature last Saturday. Woot.

First up was Tootsie, the Dustin Hoffman drag classic so well regarded that it earned a healthy spot in the low 60’s on the AFI top 100 as well as coming in second to only Some Like It Hot on AFI’s comedy list. (Note to self for future post: investigate AFI’s fetish for drag comedies). But is the movie still worth its high heels and prosthetic boobs? Pretty much. Hoffman is at his peak portraying Michael Dorsey, a stage actor with such high standards (or maybe he’s just pretentious) that directors actively shun him. His need for cash combined with a gal pal’s tales of gender bias woe leads him to auditioning for a soap in said heels n’ boobs. He lands the part the part of a take no prisoners hospital administrator and before you can say “holy Mrs. Doubtfire, Batman!” he’s an inspiration to women everywhere.

The movie rides high on the shoulders of not only Hoffman but an inspired roster of co-stars including Teri Garr, Bill Murray, director Sydney Pollack, Dabney Coleman, and the dearly departed Charles Durning. Jessica Lange is in there too, and apparently she got a Best Supporting Actress Oscar, but she did very little for me in her role as part of the love tetrahedron (triangle doesn’t begin to describe it) that ensues. Tootsie does a remarkable job at straddling genres with relative ease. The drag jokes take the high road (nary a genitalia gag in sight!), the social commentary isn’t force fed, and it gives the viewer an appreciation for the art of acting without feeling self congratulatory. Swell job, Toots.
Grade: A-

Coming soon: When Harry Met Sally


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100th Post Celebration!

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Driving a Hybrid, It Covereth a Multitude of Sins

Or is that charity? Anyhow, Art director David Krulik and photographer Luke Stettner have created three faux Prius advertisements featuring Prius owners engaged in various naughty activities. But that's ok, since they're not creating global warming! Could this indicate that buying enough carbon credits will cancel any crime? View the ads after the jump (trust me, these are really funny).






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